. disorders in disguise .
Having been to the very depths of eating disorder hell and back, it absolutely breaks my heart to see how many women (and men) suffer from negative body image and disordered eating habits; ones that perhaps aren’t “serious” enough to warrant a medical diagnosis of anorexia or bulimia, but are life-destroying all the same.
Although I'm still unwilling to call my addiction to chocolate pudding oatmeal a food rut, I decided to play it safe today and switched things up in this morning's breakfast...
I had my regular eggy-banana-oats, but this time I exchanged the chocolate pudding for vanilla, the almond butter for coconut, and tossed in some blueberries for good measure. Still delicious, but I was kind of left missing my chocolate... good thing there's always tomorrow morning.
Calories. Diets. Scales. Treadmills. I don’t think there’s one woman out there who hasn’t been a slave to at least one, if not all, of those demons at some point in her life. And the sad thing is, that most of them don’t even realize that there’s something very wrong with the way they think; society has raised us to believe that it’s perfectly normal to be unsatisfied with our bodies and that it’s consequently okay to be obsessed with diets and exercise.
What do you mean you’re not concerned with how you look, what you eat, and how much you sweat? That’s irresponsible and unhealthy!
And it’s with that kind of mindset that disordered thoughts easily mask themselves and go by unnoticed; they hide behind the guise of an innocent desire to be healthy.
Besides the taste, my measure of a good smoothie includes it's ability to make spoons "float". By that definition, this was a darn good smoothie, as you can see it was thick enough to support the weight of my spoon... and with no evil gums or consequent stomach aches! Hooray!
What it was, was a serving of medium tofu, ¼ cup of vanilla almond milk, ½ a frozen banana, ½ a super ripe mango, and 4 large ice cubes. If you add enough sweet fruit, you can't taste the tofu at all, and you're left with a smoothie that has a wonderfully thick pudding-like consistency. I topped the whole thing with Kashi GLC and plenty of cinnamon before going to town.
So, it becomes “normal” to label different foods as “good” or “bad”, and to worship exercise as being close to godliness. We praise and admire the people who eat clean and spend long hours in the gym for their “healthy” lifestyle, but does anyone ever stop and think that what some of those people are doing is the opposite of healthy? That their “healthy” habits are actually nothing more than a disorder in disguise?
Perhaps I’m overly sensitive to picking out disordered behaviours and the thoughts behind them because recovery forced me to identify and overcome my own, but I notice a lot of unhealthy beliefs behind many people’s “healthy” lifestyles; and I don’t even have to look that far to find several instances where this is the case…
A rather rainy afternoon left me with a serious craving for something warm and comforting, so instead of turning to a cold sandwich or wrap, I opened my pantry and glanced through my overly-large collection of grains before deciding to go with one I haven't had in a while; millet.
I cooked the millet in veggie broth, tossed in some frozen mixed veggies, added salt, garlic, and thyme, and stirred in a few spoonfuls of cream cheese when the whole thing was done cooking. This. was. dee. vine. I'd heard about stirring cream cheese into a grain dish before, and a cheesy craving this afternoon led me to try it out for the first time. So glad that I did... A rather ugly fried egg was also consumed, as was a salad beast... but that goes without saying.
It saddens me to say this, but the food blog world is full of people who display a plethora of disordered habits when it comes to eating and exercise, and it’s not only from those who are suffering from a diagnosed eating disorder and trying to recover; many “healthy living” blogs are actually “disordered living” blogs in disguise.
I’m sorry, but going out for a long run or spending a few hours at the gym only to come home and “refuel” with a couple of egg whites, vegetables, and a piece of low-carb bread topped with such a measly amount of butter/nut butter that you can see the grooves that the knife left behind from all of the effort that went into scraping off as much of the “fat” as possible? Are you kidding me? That’s healthy?
Get. real.
I guess that the absence of one of my favorite foodie combos (cream cheese & jam) at lunch meant that it would show up some time later in the day... and it did. What we have here is a healthy (note the absence of scrape marks) dose of cream cheese with blueberry jam, atop a toasted slice of sesame seed bread accompanied by a lovely cup of java. Perfect rainy afternoon pick me up.
I’m certainly not trying to say that you can’t get by living that way; God only knows the extensive amount of abuse a body can handle and still “function” relatively well… which is probably why so many people don’t see a problem with what they’re doing in the first place… But living and functioning are two very different things, with the latter being an incredibly pitiful way to live…
Believe me; been there, done that, got the t-shirt, don’t recommend it.
There’s absolutely no reason to half-kill yourself with exercise, eat less than 1800 calories (hello starvation!), and avoid carbs/fat/treats like the plague. And if you are doing just that, then please don’t try to pass it off as being healthy; ‘fess up, admit that you probably have a problem, and put some effort into fixing it.
Holy smokes; I just realized that it was an incredibly cheesy day... Dinner marked the third appearance of cheese in the form of ooey-gooey mozzarella atop my favorite pumpkin-hummus tortilla pizza.
Please realize that I’m not trying to point any fingers or specifically call anyone out; those aren’t my intentions at all. If there’s anything I hate, it’s hypocrisy, and I’ll be the first to admit that I still struggle with enough disordered thoughts of my own to be a far cry from being considered perfectly healthy.
What I am trying to do, however, is get people to take a moment and really examine their relationship with both food and exercise to see if they aren’t simply fooling themselves into believing that it’s a healthy one. Believe me when I say how easy it is to confuse “healthy” with “disordered”; I spent years thinking that all of my disordered thoughts and behaviours were nothing more than a desire to be the healthiest I could be. The irony is that the healthier I “tried” to be, the unhealthier I became, and it wasn’t until I hit rock bottom and was forced to ease up on all of the exercise and restriction that I started becoming truly healthy; both in mind and body.
See what happens when I don't honor my chocolate pudding oatmeal addiction in the morning? My cravings for it last throughout the entire day and I'm forced to quieten the nagging voices with an after dinner dessert. This was a bowl of Greek yogurt with a crumbled up Super-Charge Me cookie and a glob of my beloved chocolate pudding. Mmm content at last...
Another thing I’d like to quickly add is that, as bloggers, our words, thoughts, and actions are accessible to virtually everyone out there. Many impressionable young girls stumble across our little space on the ‘net, and admiration paired with a general lack of knowledge and direction leads them to want to mirror what we do. Please make sure that the message you’re sending across is truly a healthy one, because there are already enough unhealthy messages out there; we don’t need to add more.
. – . – . – .
I’ve been considering doing a post devoted to what I eat in a day, and how much exercise I do simply because, while I wouldn’t consider myself the perfect role model, I have learned countless valuable lessons on my journey back to health, and I’d love to squash some of the common misconceptions that I see a lot of people adhering to; most of which I adhered to at one point or another as well. We’ll see…
*steps off soapbox*
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Filed under: Uncategorized | 77 Comments
Oh Amanda…to exercise…I fear I have lost it forever.
Now, chocolate and cheese . Worry none. Enjoy aplenty.
And yes good post. There is hypocrisy everywhere. People use things to “hide behind their true fears” and I think that it occurs so often that people actually begin to truly believe it themselves. Convince themselves of its merit.
Sad.
This is exceptionally true. I completely agree that there are many disordered thoughts roaming around the world and I find it deeply saddening, mostly because I AM struggling from an ED and I see how ridiculous it all is. I often worry, too, that I’m sending a negative image through my blog. I realize that some things I post are triggering, but I also feel that it sets an example of how much dieting and all that crap is BAD. Anywhom.
I am not a pudding fan, and never have been. For some reason, it never looks appetizing to me, an the texture is kind of slimy in my opinion. Miraculously, though, you never cease to make it look good. Especially on oats! All of your food pics are extremely aesthetically pleasing. It makes me happy. =]
Love you!\
♥Alexandra
I found this post to be very near and dear to me. It touches a lot on how I’ve been feeling and thinking lately, and I understand the whole “trying to be healthier leading to being even unhealthier” mentality that occurs. I’m concocting a post about this type of thing in my head currently and this would be a great tie-in.
Another one of the biggest problems with healthy living blogs is the competitive nature that arises. Some people feel if they aren’t as “healthy” or “active” as one of their blog idols, they aren’t good enough (been there, done that).
I really like the bit about admitting you have a problem rather than using “healthy living” as a cover up for it – I’m working on that myself.
Great post.
o please do do a post like that. these people are tainting so many insecure impressionable young minds. its sad. why deny yourself of a FULL life.
i luv u and thank God for bloggers like you
I see disorders in so many bloggers. I’ll think to myself “she changed that recipe like I would have” or “She scraped that nut butter thin as ice like I would” It makes me wonder if I’m imagining it or if It’s really that widespread…but then I turn on a TV and listen to the advice and I get where it all comes from…
It is a really sad thing to think how many people have been blinded by what our culture says is normal and acceptable, when the reality is that it is extremely unhealthy. Today was my first day back at work, and I can’t even count how many times I heard people talk about ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods at our lunch meeting. I wanted to scream.
I think you make a good point about the responsibility we have to set a good example as bloggers. I hope that one day soon I will be in a place where I can show others what it looks like to be free of disordered eating.
Such a true, real post. We all seem to have been brain washed at some point in our lives, and it’s left too many of us physically ill without realizing it. It’s so easy for us to compare ourselves with others, to think we’re not good enough because we’re not working out for as long as the other girl, or eating as little as another. Gah, comparing ourselves to others is evil!
Your blog is inspirational and honest, down to the point, speaks to the reader. You’re a blessing, girl, take care & God bless!!
&… NEVER thought to make tofu a base in a smoothie! Shoot, the thickness in that baby is amazing! Fantastic idea
What a great post – I definitely agree there are a lot of distorted thinkers/eaters out there. I never truly post what I eat in a eat, but I agree, I am very tempted to do so because I don’t want people to get the message that it’s okay to work out the way I do and only eat the things I post. Not a good thing!
I agree, I agree, I agree!!!! (one thousand times over)
Seriously.. You said it all. Gosh why deprive when you can fuel your body to run its best?? I hate seeing people eat like birds (1800 is a small amount of food if you ask me!!) not because im jealoous..because i feel bad for them and ive been there before.
I’ve gotten by eating nothing for days. Ive also restricted on as much as 1800. Sometimes even 2000 calories can be restricting for me when i exercise real hard. I know some women would be SHOCKED to hear that but it is the truth.. In some ways it so very similar. (zero food or ‘just enough’) YOUR restricting so it feels the same ..at least for me it was.
I would love for you too do a day of your eats. I think I might do one as well. I think its really positive for people to see. I remember 6 months ago Katie on Faith, food, and fitness did a post on all her eats and she ate around 2300 calories. It was so inspiring to me and really helped me up my intake. I think i was only get around 1600 then and exercising tons..
So if she helped me by doing that im sure you would help others as well
lots of love!
Dana xoxo
This was a really thought-provoking post. I usually post a full day’s eats without second thought, but I suppose I should consider the repercussions of my blog and how I might be influencing impressionable readers. Oh dear, I hope I’m not one of the “disorders in the disguise” of which you were speaking…this is not my intention at all!
I think the very nature of health blogs necessitates a disordered relationship with food, to some degree–being so fascinated with food as to post pictures of it is, in essence, somewhat disorderly. I recognize that my blog has the potential to be detrimental to my mental health, and I try to make sure it never reaches the point where it interferes with my life.
Yes yes yes yes YES. Amanda, fearless leader ;b What you said? Absolutely.
It feels weird to be agreeing to this, when I’m struggling with disordered eating as well! But it’s true that almost everyone suffers from some sort of bad relationship with food and their body. It’s just sad. Sad and scary:( You’re amazing, that you can recognize what’s gone wrong and do what’s best for yourself! My role model: Amanda
I’m really interested to see what goes into a day’s worth of eats for you…but no pressure! I get the feeling it’ll only be more envy-sparking pictures of delicious food, nothing we don’t already know you’re capable of!
I agree 100%. I’m glad someone in the blog world finally spoke up about this! It’s troubling, especially someone’s ~5′ 10″, eats three teeny meals per day, and exercises like a fiend.
You said it all.
I 100% agree with you… you said it all, and I don’t know what else I could add. Bravo, girl. It’s not popular, but it’s true, and we might as well admit it.
Unfortunately, most women have disordered thoughts or behaviors regarding food and body to some extent. I know precious few women who don’t. Diets, “good” and “bad” foods (wtf?), compulsive exercise, and it only gets worse from there.
Yes, let’s EMBRACE health and fitness, but there is a fine line between what looks “healthy” and what is actually disordered. We particularly have to be careful where we stand.
You’re awesome, Amanda. xoxo
sooo, so true – a great post. i try to stay away from blogs that are like you’ve described – but have seen my fair share. i thought i was “being healthy” all summer one time when I was eating diet this, diet that – it’s all about what we’re tricked into believing! i’m glad i stumbled upon Kath’s blog one day, and was shown what healthy eating really is – eating real food, not the wannabe food I had! And i am so, so much happier and more energetic, and ready to tackle life every day
and gosh darn it – WHY, oh WHY do I keep forgetting to buy pudding at the store?!
This is a much-needed post. I admit that I still suffer from constant disordered thoughts, but I hope that my blog doesn’t advocate disordered eating but points out the downfalls. I have been amazed at the number of “healthy living” blogs that seem just as disordered as my own eating patterns…
Thank you for your honesty, and for conveying it in such a wonderfully articulate manner
Thanks so much for writing this post, I agree with you. We have to be careful about what we read and what we write, while staying true to what we really think and want.
Disordered thoughts are promoted so much around our world, it’s ridiculous and I wish there was a way that we could combat them.
What a great post that is definately honest and to the point – i love how all of your posts have meaning to them and how honest you are!!!! I love how you “tell it how it truly is” – even if it isn’t what people want to hear. Your blog has truly helped me to realize what truly healthy is – eating real food and listening to our bodies and our minds!!!
Pizza – looks delicious – especially with the cheese – that was my dinner last night – a new favorite of mine!!!!
Have a wonderful Friday!!!! xo aimee
preach it sister!
i pretty much posted the exact same thing last month. i feel ya! i did a full day of eats for me, but i wasnt sure if i should post the number… i think you totally should!
-r
Amanda, this was amazing! I absolutly admire you so much for saying this because, even though I have an ED, your right! I do look up to some people who I thoght were healthy, to I my realize that they did exactly what I did in the depths of my ed or just way to much activity and no food! Your a simply amazing girl. That’s it.
girl the moral of my long comment is, you practically a hero to me. This post was completly nessesary an your a phonomenal young woman. Stay strong, I believe in you!
Imso happy it seems like you have a good mind and grip of what a healthy life truly is! Your food is amazing an your so inspiring! Check put my blog and see how I fought my ed today
Ashley
Chewingoncherries.wordpress.com
THANK YOU for this post. I could not agree more.
there is a blog out there called “every woman has an eating disorder” and you know what, its true.
Every woman had “issues” towards her food or body. She may not have “behaviors” but she has thoughts and feelings. Guys arent immune either, mostly they are afraid to admit it cause its a “girly” disorder.
LOTS of bloggers have the disguised disorders but it all comes down to is this, is this their life? is their like people looking at their “green monsters” and their workout routines? is that what they are worth. I hope not. maybe its just a phase, hopefully they will realize there is more to life and blogging than what they eat and how much they workout.
Great points, Amanda, and I see so much of what you see, in the blog world, and in my life. Women who eat just a banana and salad for dinner, while others eat a full meal and dessert, and a snack later on. Or reading about bloggers who exercise for two hours a day. Craziness. And I wonder if any or many of them realize that their thoughts are unhealthy.
I – as you’ve seen – don’t chronicle my eating on my blog, mostly because I don’t care to take out the camera at every meal. (Did you read the New York Times article that suggested that people who have to photograph every meal they eat have disordered thoughts? Interesting stuff…) I’d rather just eat and enjoy, unless the lighting’s just right, or I’m writing a review of something. Anyway, it is pretty sad to think about the state of so many people. Thanks.
I used to read several heathly living blogs and I completely agree that some of them don’t send the best message to girls out there who are struggling. And there are way too many girls out there that are struggling!
I don’t talk about what I eat on a daily basis because I don’t think people are interested, plus it shouldn’t matter. I don’t want people using me as an example when I am a totally different size/metabolism/height/etc. than any other person out there. Nobody should follow what I eat, just as I can’t follow what others eat.
It took me a while to realize this but I finally did and I am so much happier!
Hi there! I’ve been an avid reader of your blog lately, but have never felt compelled to comment until now (creepy, I know). ANYway, I just wanted to thank you for writing this post because I have been noticing this as well in the blog world and in myself. I’ve luckily been able to catch my own disordered (truthfully more disordered than I’d care to admit) behavior before I got too unhealthy.
Thank you for being a good, healthy role model, and thank you for making this post.
I completely, 100% agree. I read them both – the recovery blogs and the “healthy living” blogs. Some are so inspiring – showing how much and how freely one can eat with a moderate amount of fun exercise. Others, like you said, are disordered in disguise. It’s because “thin” is the new “health” to the ignorant mainstream. It’s sad that an 1800 calorie day’s probably turned into a “once in a blue moon treat/binge day” for so many
I JUST had a conversation with my manager about calories, in a non-ED context, and she said she has to stick wwith a strict 1200 calorie diet, because she “doesnt exercise” and based on “her calculations”. I got so worked up about this! But even when I tried to convince her to bump up to 1500 and see, she said “Yeah, that’s the only excuse my thighs need”. Le sigh.
On another (more delicious) note – if tofu is truly the new “gum”, then, oh my word. I have a Costco-sized supply in my fridge! Scoree!!
izzyy
xoxox
i seriously WOULD LOVE to see you squash some misconceptions and definitely get a better idea of what is a healthy standpoint to exercise and food. so many of us are clueless to guidelines.. and even myself, i get so stuck on what is a good amount of anything! i really believe it would help a lot of people, and its such a fabulous idea!!
mmm ur cream cheese millet looks INSANE! i totally thought it was an egg scramble, wow but millet? GENIUS <3
take care love
xoxo
There are many bloggers who have disordered behaviour…I see it all the time. It’s reached a point where I don’t even read certain blogs anymore because I find it painful to see. You made a lot of really great points here, love. Honestly, there are so many impressionable people reading blogs. A lot of young girls who are obsessing about their food and are falling into the eating disorder trap. It saddens me to think of all the negative messages people are getting. And some people don’t even recognize their own disordered behaviour, which is sad in and of itself. I hate to see so many people suffering, especially since I know what it feels like and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Thank you for bringing up this important topic. I think it is vital that people are aware of how a measly picture of egg whites can really have an impact on others. Not everyone is in a place where they can simply click away from the page and separate themselves from the disordered behaviours. I still sometimes get the little monster voice in my head telling me that there is something wrong with me if I don’t have my strict guidelines in place. It can be a very slippery slope. Thanks for calling attention to this important issue- you are amazing as always. <3<3
totally agree! I honestly want to bring back the yolk! I rarely see him anymore on the blogosphere!
I never commented before as I only stumbled across your blog a while ago buy this post truly reaches out to me a lot. Especially the point about seeing bloggers exercising for hours only to refuel with so little. Their Addiction to the seemingly “healthy” lifestyle sometimes looks just so darn sad.
Well said amanda! I really appreciate your honest and true opinions.
What a great post, this was exactly what i needed to read/hear. I am trying to recover, and i have to remind myself that ‘treats’ are ok, as i feel that i need to eat healthy healthy healthy and organic, an idea that has been fostered by the food blog world. I hope to be an example of a blog that people can read and say, ok, she is recovering, she is healthy but she eats like a normal person. On a lighter note I will definitely be buying tofu and making a thick smoothie today, thanks amanda.
fi
xxx
Such a great post, I needed to read this as well.
Few weeks ago, I had a conversation with my sister, pretty much only about how unhappy we two are with our bodies, our thighs, calves, flat stomachs that nobody notices…yaddayaddayadda. And I really don’t know how we both are so unsatisfied with ourselves, it’s not like our mom is like that, she is the complete opposite. It’s so sad to see so much women unhappy because of something actually so superficial.
I started my not-so-healthy journey when I decided I should eat healthy, exercise and lose just a bit. But…yeah, it got me here. You know how they say, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”
This is one of my most favourite posts in your blog. It’s so true. When I go out I can see that (almost?) all of my friends have some eating/body image issues (and not all of them are girls!). We go out for a drink, girls start to argue about what kind of alcohol has the biggest amount of calories, then boys start to talk about exercising, muscles, pills they take to gain more muscles etc. And all of them are intelligent and good looking people studying at universities. You just can’t run away from all the “healthy living” stuff, because it’s everywhere and if you stop thinking about it for a while, somebody else starts to talk about it and brings it back to your mind. The irony is that people usually admire other people who are suffering from eating disorders for living healthy, being thin, controlling themselves, exercising etc. There is not a single person around me who is really living healthy, because everybody is either on a diet or overeats and uses food to feel better and solve his problems for a while. I used to work in a fashion store for 2 years and every single day I could hear little girls discussing diets in changing rooms, in worse cases I could hear mothers telling their daughters things like “You can’t wear this dress cause it makes you fat, it’s for skinny girls, you should eat less”. I think this situation affects all of us in some way and we can’t underestimate how serious it is.
Hooray for the superthick smoothie without gums!
Your meals always look delicious!
When I look around I see so many people with disordered habits. Sometimes I think that therefore I don’t really have a problem, but when I stop and think about it I realize that in fact it’s that they too have something which is not going right. In Italy it’s all about pasta, most of the italians eat pasta 5-6 times a week. And meat is always on their tables, too. Always.
When it comes to exercize I know people who do nothing. Most of them.
And people who go to the gym every day, go running avery day, and so on. I think there has to be a balance, and also more useful information about food and exercize (in Italy at least).
I agree with you 100%… I mean, I know I’m not perfect myself but I’ve seen a ton of disordered behaviour around the blogosphere that seems to be passing for ‘healthy living’.
… Do you honeslty realize how amazing and genuine you are? I don’t want this to sound creepy, but it probably will. I’ve always kind of thought of you as a maternal figure towards anyone struggling with an ED. Hehe.. perhaps it’s because you are just a little bit older? Regardless, you give amazing advice and have the ability to see far beyond the surface. I am so proud of you!
Oh em gee… I seriously FORGOT about cream cheese and jam until this post! Ahh! I MUST fix that today
<3 Tat
Agreed. I think it’s useful to highlight this, and I think denial is the biggest danger of all. It’s difficult to know from reading blogs exactly what is going on, and I guess all of us are to some extent selective about what we choose to present to the world through blogging. It concerns me that vulnerable people read blogs which have been labelled with words such as ‘health’ and take what is written there as gospel.
I eat very differently to much of the blogging world I have come across. I’m a meat eater, and I’m not up with all these exotic foods and ingredients that other people seem to use. I enjoy junk food occasionally too. The line between health and orthorexia/disorder is a fine one, and I’m glad you brought up this issue, because I reckon it’s something that needs to be out in the open…
Sarah x
I love this post! Everything you write is absolutely so true. And it made me think about myself and how I am being affected by blogs I read.I know that I have some disordered thoughts around food and exercising. Many people should read this blog, it would open their mind about themselves so that they could realize that they have sort of a problem.
Amanda, I think I speak for so many people when I say I love you for doing this post.
When I first started reading blogs, it was these so called ‘healthy living’ blogs where I’d read about all these women exercising every single day and eating ‘healthy’ and I became incredibly jealous. I wanted to be able to run everyday and eat like they did because they seemed happy. It really made me upset to see how I was living. I had to have a decent breakfast, desserts with both meals and 3 snacks with no exercise other than walking because of my recovery. It really triggered me and made me struggle reading these as it made me feel like the rest of the world must be living like this because I came across so many blogs like this. It was horrible and I became more and more depressed and unhappy with myself. But now I realise it was my ED making me unhappy with comparing myself with these people and I need to look after myself to get my life back and not live like this because I think some of these people have their own disorders. It makes me upset that they think running miles and miles and only eating ‘healthy’ foods and on less than 1800 calories is good for them.
I seriously think that they should look at what they are blogging because the way that they live is NOT normal and I know that now. People who are not disordered allow themselves treats..that’s why they are sold in the shops! And they don’t feel compelled to run a marathon everyday and get upset or restrict to compensate. The way that they are living is affecting people and making them think the way that they are living is wrong and is especially hard for people with EDs to see what ‘normal’ is again and for them to learn how to look after themselves, and more importantly they are only damaging their own bodies. I agree with you when you say that they think they’re fine because they can function but in time they will regret it when their bodies can’t take it any longer.
I think it would be really great if you could do a days eats post because I know that SO many people admire you for the way that you live. You eat a balance of healthy and treats and foods that you really enjoy and with a balance of a little exercise and you seem genuinely happy. This is what healthy living REALLY is and I think people should learn from you and other blogs like Jess’ (healthy exposures) and Kath.
Thankyou so much from the bottom of my heart for being strong and telling people what the reality is. Because these bloggers need to wake up and admit to themselves that they need help.
Great post Amanda! And you’re so so right. I compare myself all the time with other people and I find it hard to read that some bloggers excersise Every. Single. Day on just veggies, fruit and an occasional tablespoon of nut butter. You are an inspiration for people who suffer from eating disorder, such as myself, and you make it look so wonderful.
I can’t wait to be in that place. I hope you’ll post what you eat and excerise in a day, because I think I can be inspired by that. But no pressure of course! Thanks for this great post and I hope some other bloggers take this as an example.
I don’t know why I haven’t tried tofu in smoothies yet–been seeing that everywhere!
You are GREAT with words, seriously. I’ve seen some self-proclaimed “health sites” that offer 1400 calories sample meal plan. What the eff.
I agree with every word in this post (just like everyone else who commented
). It’s stupid and I hate it. I hate it when girls I know eat once a day and think it’s perfectly normal. I hate it when they point at how much I eat like it’s a deadly sin. It’s things like these that made me restrict. I suddenly realized that almost everything I loved was considered bad for my health and stopped consuming it. And I couldn’t eat 5 times a day when my friends weren’t eating more than 2 meals. My own disordered behavior started because I tried to follow other people’s disordered behavior which was masked as something healthy. Why did I give in? I don’t know. What I know is that I still can’t enjoy a real meal without guilt because of that and I want this madness to stop. I admire you for this post and I hope more girls come across your blog and learn from you.
Great post, I totally agree. I really got myself into some trouble by trying to emulate the diet and exercise habits of “healthy” bloggers. I’ve (sadly) only recently discovered that everyone has VERY different needs. Thanks for posting this!
Hi Amanda,
thank you so much for your thought provoking post! you bring up some great points and seem to be bringing a perspective to the table that i haven’t seen much of in the blogging and “healthy living” world.
i am currently struggling with an eating disorder and have actually turned to food and healthy living blogs for inspiration to reignite my appetite for food and for life. after reading your post, i am trying to analyze the blogs i check in on regularly to decide if they are truly promoting a healthy perspective, or like you say, are really disordered in disguise. becasue i am far from recovered from my issues with food and exercise, im wondering if you could offer your more expert thoughts on who the positive and truly healthy food bloggers are that people like me should look to for positive influence and inspiration.
thank you again, your honesty and passion for life is so beautiful!
kellie
“been there, done that, got the t-shirt, don’t recommend it.”
THIS.
This is what i feel like saying to people ALL-DAY LONG.
One of these days it’s just gonna slip out of my mouth.
Whether it be my male co-worker who just discovered that Starbucks drinks have calories (gasp! calories= TEH FATZ!) and feels the need to tell me how virtuous he is being because now he denies himself his favorite caramel macchiato and gets plain iced coffee instead
Or my boss who (bless her heart) really truly LOVES food and always enjoys eating and then subsequently feels the need to apologize for it
Or just the women I see all around who say “I’ll have a cheeseburger with no cheese and no burger” (literally overheard this at a restaurant this week- WHY eat out if all you want is a hamburger bun and a slice of tomato?!)
Anyway, I think you’re fab. Thanks for this post.
This post says everything I could have wanted to say myself, only a lot more eloquently.
Unfortunately, food / weight / exercise are already such fraught issues that people tend to be very impressionable when it comes to that. I spent a long, long time thinking that 1200 calories was a normal baseline intake, because that’s what I kept stumbling across. I was shocked to discover that it’s possible to maintain, or even lose, weight on more than that. But seeing people eat “like birds” while doing a crazy amount of exercise makes me wonder what’s going on here… (I know that not everyone posts everything they eat. I’m not thinking of those.)
I think a post on your day would be awesome. There may not be one conventional definition of “normal,” since everyone needs different things, but it would be refreshing to see someone who is not exhibiting disordered behaviors masquerading as “healthy living.”
<3 <3
Haha, I have to admit I loooove a strong tofu flavor in my smoothies! Honestly I do! I think tofu is my cream cheese, tastes awesome with jam, too – please believe me
My, this was such a good post! Although I think a lot of these certain bloggers do know deep down in their heart, that they’re anything from being perfectly healthy! I try to stay away from these blogs b/c they seriously make me very angry and life’s too short for that!! Ah, but I have to admit that your calorie recommendation honestly shocked me – I mean, I’m well aware of my ed (this is why I NEVER ever would post what I eat in a day), I’ve been struggling for 13yrs, but I did not consider eating anywhere close to your recommendation…. this once again helped me seeing things clearer!! Thank u sooo much lovie for sharing! xoxo Mel
You always raise such good points in your posts!
I agree that I have seen many blogs where the posters seem to have very disordered habits, which they mistakenly believe to be healthy (of course, they may be eating a lot more than they post, and we just don’t know it…). There were actually a few blogs that I had to stop reading for that reason. I’m not saying it’s their fault though. Being a part of the blog world makes it very easy to fall into disordered behaviours because the nature of what we do (posting about our food and exercise) treads a very fine line between interest and obsession.
I don’t claim to be perfect either though. I’m still in the process of recovery and I’m very aware that my habits may occassionally toe the line between healthy and disordered. But each day I’m getting a step closer to being truly healthy!
Great post!!
There are so many commens I will just make this real short.
1. I love you on a soapbox.
2. Living vs. Existing. So true.
3. I am reminded of society’s mistaken belief that all exercise/eating well is health everytime someone at the gym asks me if I come everyday…I say “Yes” almost guiltily because I KNOW it’s messed up. But they ALL say, “Wow…good for you….” MEANWHILE I look … well, let’s just say I don’t look good…how can they possibly praise this?
Sigh.
You are fantast-a-licious, lady!
~Missy
Aww, Amanda!
That was amazing. And so true!
Sometimes I feel guilty as hell for keeping my blog on… I have this fear I might be influncing other young girls in a bad way…
And I would never forgive myself for dragging someone into a serious disease like anorexia. Never.
I´d love to hear a bit about your habits – I often wonder if snacking and then eating 2 hours later is normal, if spending 8 hours without any hunger is way too weird… I have no one to answer me those questions honestly :/
Anyhow – thanks for posting this, love. And thank you, once again, for all the beautiful and supportive comments you´ve been sending me. They simply make my day
Wish you a wonderful weekend!
XOXO
G.
I love this post. Brutally honest and totally to the point. THANKYOU!
I am in recovery and sometimes find it very difficult to see these “healthy living” blogs that show people doing waaay loads of exercise and not eating that much too cover it… it can be triggering, but more than anything… its CONFUSING!!!
i find it hard to work out what “normal” is these days, having been so disordered in my thinking, but i am trying desperately to get back on track
I think a post of “a day in the life” would be a great idea, and it would help people like me, who are struggling to get to grips with a GOOD sense of normality, see what is actually healthy.
I look forwards to reading more!!!
x
I totally agree with you! Such a great and true post! Thank you so much!
No offense because I know you yourself acknowledged that you’re not perfect either and that you still have issues with eating, but (and this goes to a lot of you out there!) oatmeal for breakfast and dinner isn’t exactly a “healthy” message either… it’s kind of sad (okay, REALLY sad) when I come to this page or to a lot of other recovering blogs for some inspiration only to see pictures of oatmeal day in and day out. It clearly shows that your recoveries aren’t for real, that you’re still sticking to “safe” foods and are way too afraid to branch out and eat real food.
I know I’m going to get hell for this post, but… I’m just saying it like I see it. I bounce back and forth between “recovery” and restriction, so I clearly have a long ways to go, but these kinds of blogs use to serve as what I thought would be motivation or inspiration and hope that recovery IS possible… however, I’m starting to see the truth a lot clearer now that I scroll up and down these blogs and only see pictures of oatmeal and steamed veggies :\
GREAT post, exactly what’s on my mind. SUCH an easy, deadly mistake to make!
xoxo
I was FOREVER convinced that I was just being healthy too but really, deep down inside, all I wanted to be was thin, not just skinny but rail thin.
Amen. I’m an avid reader, but first-time commenter, and all I have to say is you have hit the nail on the head with this post. Like you, I have a disordered past and I always struggle to achieve a sense of normalcy. Healthy living blogs have helped me tremendously, but a few really challenge my perception of healthy and normal. Yours is a gem, however, and I totally commend you for being real and honest. Thank you, thank you.
I agree with everything you said in this post. It makes me sad to know that there are so many people with disordered relationships with food/exercise, but they never get the help they need because it’s not “severe” enough to be called an eating disorder. Even if it’s not a full blown ED, it’s still not a healthy thing! I agree that there are a lot of people in the blog world who have food issues, but they disguise them as “healthy living.” I don’t blame all of these people, perhaps some of them really do believe that their habits are healthy. Our society after all has warped our senses of what is truly healthy and what is not. It can be so dangerous though. I know that right around the time I started relapsing I started comparing my diet to the ones on the so-called “healthy living” blogs and I started emulating some of their habits. Now I can’t figure out how some people eat that way. I don’t exercise nearly as much as some of those bloggers do and I still need to eat a lot more food than they do.
I really enjoy reading your posts, daily. I can tell you are real, and you have actaully helped me with my recovery. Even though your food posts may make me jelous of the repeating hospital food i eat daily, I hope one day i will get to the point where i can nourish my body as well as you prove to do so. Your words are so true, and i laugh at myself for scraping a paper thin layer of nut butter on my toast, when my body needs the fat!
For the excersize part I am basically forced to do only moderate amounts, but my goal when i leave here,will to be fit and healthy. I do not want to live with the excersize obsession/compulsions of my past, no one deserves that in their life.
Could not agree more!!!!!
I still cannot get round the idea of tofu smoothie though…..i’m yet to try…!!xx
ooooh i have so much i could say!! i literally spent a half hour reading all of the comments on this post! Honestly, i couldn’t agree more. & while I am clearly NOT perfect anymore, I see such a problem in some healthy living blogs & the message they are giving off to readers!! I know there is a good chance that there is other snacking/nibbling going on, especially if the blogger is a healthy weight, but that isn’t shown so people can assume that what is shown is all they are eating. idk- im really torn about blogging right now. I want to continue, but I also need to make sure i’m not being triggered (hate that word) by certain blogs. I think i’ve gotten to a point though where I can look at the one’s that don’t seem to be eating enough & kind of feel sorry for that person- idk, it is all complicated. I’mg lad you threw this topic out there though! It is an important one!
xoxoox
*A round of applause for Amanda*
Thank god there is someone else who thinks the same way that I do! I have been thinking that a lot of the thoughts that healthy food bloggers have are rather disordered but because their blogs are titled as “healthy” noone has said anything about it.
I would really like to see a post of everything you eat in a day as it would be interesting to compare to those “healthy lifestyle” blogs out there who just live off a measly 1200-1800 calorie diet. (ugh don’t even get me started on what I think about that!)
GREAT POST as always, ma dear
LOVE
Katy
xxx
Well I’m sure you can tell by the number of comments…but this was an *excellent* post.
“the food blog world is full of people who display a plethora of disordered habits when it comes to eating and exercise… many “healthy living” blogs are actually “disordered living” blogs in disguise.” – Amen.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot too. It’s NOT normal to be running 6 miles a day/Shredding/biking/swimming and then re-fueling with veggies. And yet it’s the impression left on a lotttt of blogs (unfortunately…I think mine included). I don’t even post 20% of my meals because it’s way too tedious and I don’t want people playing the comparison game…but I think I’m going to do it one day anyway. I just feel like the whole healthy living blog world needs a shift in the right direction. Anyways, great post
You are so right. The desire to be “healthy” was part of what led me to fall into my ED. I think that it is a balance. You can certainly exercise obsessively, but it is also not good for your body to sit on the couch EVERYDAY. It is about listening to your body. Some exercise is good, and some rest is good, when your body tells you you need either. Everyone’s balance of the two is different, and even for those without eating disorders it can be hard to figure it out. Add to all this the layer of how much to eat, when, and what and you’ve got yourself a slipperly slope. I appreciate you addressing the problem. We all just need to really listen, and our bodies will tell us what they need. But we also have to respect that we, ourselves, are different than anyone else on the planet, and that we can’t listen to what others eat, how much they exercise, or what size they wear.
** For the record, I didn’t mean for this to sound like a sermon. I am really working on listening to my body right now so I have lots of thoughts on the subject! **
xoxo
LF
whoa great post. I’ve to agree with you completely. I’ve a friend who avoids carbs (rice, bread, pasta, etc) and fats (avocados, nuts, seeds, etc) like the PLAGUE, but she insists that she’s just into eating healthy… she looks like a five-year old boy now, because she’s like a skeleton of her former self, and i really don’ tknow what to say to her to help her because she refuses to listen to anyone…
Hey girly! Just found your blog and am absolutely loving it! You have a new follower!
xo
I agree totally!! I think it is really sad, and you are right that we really need to think about what is “healthy”
Thanks!
Scott
this was wonderful, and you are definitely not overreacting. this post totally won me over, and i will now be a loyal reader to your blog (:
I think this is a fantastic post. I’ve not long had a blog, and am glad of this advice. I do not want to promote anything negative, nor do I want to indulge my disordered mind in so-called ‘health’ blogs.
This also lead me to think that, if, my disorder had been discovered earlier, it would not have manifested to the degree that it did.
Thank you, your blog is such an inspiration
Sophie
xx
PS, thanks for the heads up about gums, I almost forked out £5 (!!!) for a tiny sachet to try, but am now more hesitant after your troubles. Crisis avoided.
I totally know what you mean. I have a friend who actually brags about how the only time she eats in the day is dinner. I even remember pre-ed how it was a good thing to be the person who had eaten the least amount in the day (how my ed started..ugh). People should be bragging about how they’re eating yummy foods and staying healthy, not starving themselves and killing their bodies then bragging about it! Dieting makes people really twisted sometimes..
<3 Emily
your blog is so inspirational- keep on fighting
have you tried nutella on oats (maybe banana oats)? the combination just sounds sinful.
i totally agree with this post. too many blogs out there claiming that a low calorie lifestyle is healthy… part of the reason i became so underweight. i thought i was being healthy.
Helas. I’ve read your post and I started reading all the comments on it.
Like the others around here I really liked your post. But instead of saying “YES blabla I agree and so on” I first want to thank you because I didn’t think about this before and I’m writing right now, because I see much truth in it.
But there are also things to consider before (c’mon u did a little bit?! but it’s okay!) judging about these people (and this goes to the commentators as well): as long as they feel good about their way of living, about the way they handle food and “health” it is all – right. of course there’s a lot to doubt about because I think it’s never the best and easiest way to force you to do something (like these people do).
unfortunately almost everyone has eating disorders and only the extent of it differs us! You (I guess your name is Amanda (; ) had a big disorder and are now trying to fix it and reading your posts and your thoughts I see that your extent is becoming smaller.
I was also wondering a bit whether everybody really got your message or was just filtering out what he/she wanted to hear. There might have been a few overweight people who misunderstood you and were thankfully that someone talked about eating “healthy” in consuming what you want, what your body needs. but they as well have eating disorders because I honestly (and I know I play with fire saying that!!) think that every body is naturally thin as long as you REALLY listen to your body and not to your brain. food is for living and life isn’t there to eat! and people who have overweight didn’t get this message alike the people who have abnormal underweight!
Reading your post I see a lot of intelligence in it but also a lot of anger. but that is unavoidable for you because you noticed that not only Youhad a problem (that seemed to be so obvious for everybody because your were anorexic) but those “healthy” living people as well. but there’s the extent again. or let’s call it the appearance is different. but unfortunately you had to suffer more and your were judged a lot more because people didn’t know what you know (about the disorders). and society or humanity only judges what’s obvious ’cause seeing what’s behind the curtain is too exhausting and unless it doesn’t affect themself it’s fine and entertaining to judge and talk about others.
I can tell you about me that I spend a lot of time with myself because I like being alone but I also like to party and be drunk sometimes ( too … much information (; ) and to have strong conversations with people I find interesting. there’s a balance without force. and I now became even stronger because I found out about the great miracle of staying thin and it is eating what you want and listeing to your body. yeah fuck it, it is Really that easy. of course I still need some time to think about a few things (because I was also the calories counter) and need time to notice with much surprise and happiness that “hey … you now don’t need that. and OMG hey u can try out so many things u denied before”. that might sound so stupid for at least 80 % of readers here but I even lost weight ( I did sports before and watched what I ate) but do a LOT more things with fun and pleasure because my tummy is full ( if not I go and eat something I like to, really) and my thoughts aren’t about “what do I eat next?? and when do I allow myself to eat chocolate or chips the next time? yes, let’s say friday. then I won’t go out and can eat a lot because I can do sports they following day and then nobody did see me a bit “fatter” ” but I never was fat. I was average, had a good body. but with how much … effort. just . e.x.h.a.u.s.t.i.n.g.)
ah shit, I’m so sorry that I wrote that much. It’s hard for me to filter out the interesting information and a few weeks ago your post wouldn’t even had affect me but it now did and I really wanted to share my thoughts because I think you might understand it and also learn a bit more.
BTW: I’m from europe (germany) so there might be a lot of grammar mistakes but I hope they won’t adulterate my message.
I would be very happy to hear what you think after (hopefully) reading my … “novel”. (you now have my email adress)
you are interesting. I’m looking forward to read your other posts as well.
Thank you once again for your expanding idea!
take care, ruth
subbing to the blog
I’ve been a blog reader for about half a year now and I think this is a great post. It definitely got me thinking.